Freedemian Court rules in favor of Feldman in Leo Jono vs Brian Feldman, but with several reservations

QUENTINSBURGH- In the case that has made international headlines, Leo Jono vs Brian Feldman, the Freedemian National Court has ruled in favor of Brian Feldman, though with many reservations.

The court decided 6-4 that Leo Jono was technically free to deny the service of creating a turtlefruit pizacyro since first of all, turtlefruit wasn’t a topping offering, and second of all since it went against his belief that turtlefruit does not go on pizacyros.

However, the reason the court ruled decisively and unanimously for Brian Feldman was that by blacklisting Feldman from getting even normal pizacyros, Leo Jono had denied Feldman a service not based on his own beliefs, but based on Feldman’s differing belief, which is against the very same belief freedom and belief discrimination laws that upheld Leo Jono’s right to not provide turtlefruit as a topping.

The courts also cautioned that while they may have ruled in this case, technically, pizacyro preference is not a belief that counts as a religious or cultural belief, and labeled that portion of the case “frivolous” to prevent any further cases or legal battles on the topic.

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Freedemian National Court to hear case over “Turtlefruit DOES GO on Pizacyros” controversy

QUENTINSBURGH– This week, the Freedemian National Court is expected to hear a strange case- one centered around the “Turtlefruit DOES GO on Pizacyros” movement. No, the case will not decide whether turtlefruit goes on pizacyros or not (though that would end a lot of the debate). The case of Leo Jono vs Brian Feldman centers largely on denial of services for beliefs other than religious or cultural ones, such as food preference.

Leo Jono’s Authentic Pizacyro’s is located in the Vera Point neighborhood in Quentinsburgh. Last July, long time customer Brian Feldman asked Leo Jono if he could get turtlefruit on his Pizacyro, which turned into an argument, with owner Leo Jono insisting “no self respecting chef would ever defile a pizacyro in such a way” and that he owned an “honorable establishment that would never create such trash”. Leo Jono’s being one of the most popular non-chain pizacyro restaurants in Quentinsburgh, the incident angered a lot of turtlefruit-lovers, and Feldman rallied about 15,000 people to sign a petition for Leo Jono’s to offer turtlefruit as a topping for his pizacyros. When Feldman came in, ordered a normal pizacyro and presented the petition to Leo Jono, Jono told Feldman he had been blacklisted and was no longer allowed as a customer at Leo Jono’s. This spurred quite a few protests and a large boycott of the business.

The case focuses on whether or not Leo Jono was allowed to blacklist Feldman for presenting the petition in favor of turtlefruit pizacyros. Freedemia has religious/belief protections, so theoretically Leo Jono was fully allowed to deny the service of creating a turtlefruit pizacyro because it went against his beliefs and his customer policy. However, the question becomes whether Leo Jono was allowed to blacklist Feldman over his belief that “turtlefruits do go on pizacyros”, which could be considered discriminating against Feldman due to what he believes in. Some also question if food preference can be considered a belief protected under the original law that would warrant denial of service, as it seems very trivial in comparison to religion, cultural beliefs, etc.

Lawyers for Leo Jono argue that the denial was not over Feldman’s belief that pizacyros and turtlefruit go together, but over “harrassment of the company”. Feldman’s lawyers rebut, saying that after the initial confrontation Feldman had not done anything threatening or harrassing, as he had peacefully presented the petition to Leo Jono and even ordered a turtlefruit-free pizacyro.

Some argue the case is frivolous and should be thrown out. Others believe the case is frivolous, but that they should follow the standard set by Heinz Doofenschmidt v United Freedemian Union and rule before labeling the case frivolous.

The case is expected to divide the court, but it is currently unclear how many will want to rule which way.

Bill in response to Freedemian restroom shortage would reduce penalties for public urination

QUENTINSBURGH– Reeds Poplator Selena DiCostranado introduced a bill Friday afternoon addressing a problem related to the Freedemian restroom shortage in an unique way. The bill, currently simply dubbed Populus Bill 46, would lessen sentences/punishments for public urination. Essentially, the bill says public urination cannot be classified as a lewd act, and can only be punishable by law in the case of related vandalism or desecration/hate crimes.

The reasoning behind the bill, according to DiCostranado, is that public urination is something done out of desperation, not done for the purposes of being lewd. Even with Amendment 30, which switched the country from an indecent exposure model to an indecent behavior model and made non-lewd exposure legal in all 11 states, most ordinances continued to consider public urination “lewd”.

Currently, the legislature seems torn on the matter. Quentins Poplator Samantha Bond expressed concern that the country’s image as a clean, hygienic, beautiful nation would be at risk if people thought urinating on the side of the road or in public spaces was acceptable. Guijarros Poplator Jared Greenbrooks expressed concern that the bill, if passed, would set a dangerous precedent and could lead to something like public defecation becoming legal down the road.

Others supported the bill wholeheartedly, with the main reason for supporting it being the reduced punishment.

“It’s ridiculous that depending on the city, people have been fined, held for questioning, and even charged with lewd acts simply for not peeing on themselves when they couldn’t hold it anymore,” Trenchent Poplator Harrison Mead stated. “People have to pee, whether that’s in a toilet, in the grass, or in their pants. It’s not really a choice. Reducing the punishment for public urination to only being punishable when used for vandalism or desecration just makes sense.”

It does seem like the bill has a fair chance of passing the House of Populus, with the most recent stats estimating about 29 out of 47 Poplators are very likely to vote for the bill (a majority is 24). The House of Decisions is expected to vote that the decision only needs to be voted on by the House of Populus to become law.

While much of the attention was brought to the issue by then-vice-presidential candidate Diane Wooten-Whitaker peeing on herself during a live debate, the Freedemian restroom shortage has become a much more widely recognized issue over the past couple years, with studies and surveys showing that most Freedemians were choosing not to drink as much as they should for fear of not being able to find a public restroom, leading to greatly increased cases of heat stroke and dehydration-related illnesses and health problems.

Freedemia has in the past had an odd relationship with public restrooms, and with no ordinances in 99% of cities or towns requiring public restrooms and until recently, no statewide or nationwide requirements at all, many businesses and public places had opted to only have restrooms for employees or paying customers, some even going as far as to charge for bathroom usage. (Some lower level local courts had upheld these practices in the past, with the reasoning being the money would help pay for cleaning and maintenance.)

Some steps have been taken that are expected to make a difference over time, such as the passing of the slightly controversial RAWAA, which requires public businesses to provide public restrooms. However, in some places, including DiConstranado’s home state of Reeds, the shortage (as well as the rebellion among business owners refusing to comply with the law) is still bad enough that people are still finding themselves not able to find a restroom.

This bill comes in the midst of a greater move for the health and well-being of Freedemians, largely under the vice presidency of Patrick Houser. Other major recent moves have been about making sure water was accessible for all Freedemians, such as providing easier universal access to free drinking water (WAWAA) and removing water from “no food, no drink policies” (Walden v. VAULT). Healthcare reform is expected to happen in the coming months as well, with the emphasis being accessibility for all Freedemians, thus increasing the health of the country as a whole.

Middle school newspaper reporter writes scathing article revealing location of PWN Kids’ Granola Street is truly unknown

EAST GILLEPSIE JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL, GILLEPSIE, FREEDEMIA– “Please tell me, How can I Get to Granola Street!!” The popular intro to the educational PTN show so many Freedemian children and children around the world love- Granola Street. However, one Freedemian media outlet isn’t holding back in their criticism of the show. 7th grader and reporter Amy Callendino for East Gillepsie Junior High School’s Gator Journal  (the school newspaper) wrote a scathing expose article in last week’s edition titled “You Really Can’t Tell Me How to Get to Granola Street, Can You?- Freedemia’s Children searching for a place that Doesn’t Exist”. Callendino focused on the suspiciously small amount known about where Granola Street is actually supposed to be, then scrutinized the few details known.

“First, let’s just go based off of appearance. The urban, but somewhat historic neighborhood seems like something that could be in the Garland Park area, considering the architecture and the appearance of the neighborhood. However, the subway station complicates this judgement- while the area looks like it should be along the Capitol Shuttle, on the show it lists routes 1, 2, and 3, none of which directly serve the area, especially not at a shared stop.”

“The largest and most specific piece of evidence we have here is once again the oh-so-famous Granola Street Subway station, pictured in almost every episode next to Goober’s Store. This stop isn’t listed on any QUARTA subway map, not even any historical maps. Even more suspicious is the sign for the station itself. According to the signage, the station is home to subway lines 1, 2, and 3. However, there isn’t a single local station in the system that is home to just lines 1, 2, and 3. In fact, the only stop in the entire system where all three stop is Fredrick Street/Convention Center, the busiest station in the QLine Metro System, home to lines 1, 1X, 2, 2X, 3, 3X, 7, 7X, 14, 14X, and AX, and eventually line 10 when it reaches completion. Frankly, based off the subway station, there’s no possible location that makes sense.”

granolastreetfakesign
The famous fake subway entrance sign seen so frequently on Granola Street.
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Actual signage from a real QUARTA QLine station. Notice the small differences, such as the QUARTA logo and the smaller font used on the actual signage compared to that used on Granola Street.

Callendino also covered several other points, such as the fact that if there was an entire neighborhood of big furry “Funsters” living in downtown Quentinsburgh someone would have noticed by now, and the fact that the bus that ran to the local bus stop was a route 19, which in the QUARTA system cannot exist (to reduce confusion with the metro lines which at some point may number all the way from 1-19, buses are numbered 20 and up), not even mentioning the fact that the street was too small to need a “Route 19- Granola Street” bus.

Callendino’s teachers and those running the school newspaper have been supportive of the unconventional article.

“We encourage critical thinking here at EGJHS, so we wanted her to write the article. It showed that she was thinking critically and deeply about everything she interacts with,” newspaper editor and Ingerish teacher Carla Hermando explained. “It was well written and well thought-out.”

Kids Edutainment Workshop, the creator of Granola Street, released a statement today in response to the article going viral, saying “the numbering of the subway station routes was simply meant to look realistic while reinforcing numbers to kids watching at home”.