Nude drunk elite party surprises visitors of commercial centre of Bakiřvē Ots (Řots)

(Kavatořre (Řots), 1 July 2017) – A number of late night shoppers in the commercial centre of Bakiřvē Ots, in the Ēzentep district of Kavatořre near the village of Nī Tek Prusu Loko and the SAF border were awkwardly surprised last night when several dozens of partying people entered the premises – without any clothes on. Shocked passers-by called the police, who arrived shortly afterwards. It turned out to be a mixture of lower nobility and several upper class persons whose party had started at the nearby Kīvi estate earlier in the evening.

“For the sake of their privacy the police won’t mention the names of those involved, although we suspect that several pictures may pop up at social media in the next couple of hours”, a spokeswoman of the police told the press. “I can mention however that among the guests of Lord Kīvi were noted local politicians, a few captains of industry and several members of the nobility whose identities we are in the process of varifying – which, as you know, is complicated.

“The cause of this problem has been identified as an alcoholic substance that causes almost instant drunkenness and makes you feel hot so that one’s first instinct is to undress. The effect may take several hours to wear off. We questioned the assistants of a noble woman who is suspected of having brought several bottles to the party and is the only one whom we encountered still dressed.”

The noble woman was reveiled (by herself) to be Maro Tōr, the Duchess of Kartori. She is one of the few members of the higher nobility that hasn’t retreated in their castles and estates since the middle ages to live by the Codex of Řots, a set of laws and protocols that over time has made governing the country so impossible that common citizens started to form their own modern society, now almost twohundred years ago. The Duchess is often seen in high society situations and generally tends to behave oddly.

The Duchess denies having anything to do with it this time however. “Of course I didn’t bring these bottles of … what was it called? Shputs? Shlurp? … to the party? How could I? I wasn’t even aware that these nice people would react like this if they drank it! The person who sold them to me only told me that those who consumed it would have a great time!”


Angry Duchess peppersprays mayor of Glep

GLEP – During a private viewing of some new paintings by the contemporary and controversial Řots painter Apaste Vurm Laster last Saturday, an incident took place that involved the mayor of Glep, Kik Storm Rantevi, and Maro Tōr, the equally controversial Duchess of Kartori. After a potentially insulting remark by the mayor relating the painting of a shapeless blob with the Duchess, the latter took pepperspray from her handbag and sprayed it in the mayor’s face. The mayor had to be taken to the hospital for treatment and one of the Duchess’s assistents was briefly questioned by the police.

The mayor’s spokeswoman insists that the mayor’s words weren’t insulting at all and that the Duchess must have overreacted; she suggested that as the Duchess is only one of the few members of the Řots noble families who is regularly seen in public, it is difficult to know how they expect to be treated. According to others it is likely that Apaste Vurm Laster arranged this scandal together with the Duchess, so that his paintings would get extra attention; the value of the painting of the blob seems to have increased a lot since Saturday evening.

Maro Tōr, the Duchess of Kartori (usually shortened to ‘the Duchess’, as she is the best known duchess of Řots), is rumoured to be the only heir of the Duchy of Kartori, but although she has been seen with numerous men (and women), it is not known if she is married and if she has children. She is frequently mentioned in the press in the context of remarkable and sometimes dubious events. The general opinion of her is that she is extremely rich and terribly bored.